We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
