I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
