Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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