your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
