If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
