I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
