Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
