i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
