p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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