I must be too annoying 4 u.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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