she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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