Sry I called you an 8
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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