The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
