my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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