i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
