Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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