Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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