There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
