Got a toothbrush?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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