So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize