omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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