Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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