We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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