drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
