Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
