4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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