Only a mothe r could love this liver
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
