so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
