Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
