just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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