He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
