im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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