I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
