my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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