since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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