piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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