This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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