i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
