Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
