I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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