i think my tv is drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
