I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize