Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
