I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
