Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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