when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't notice because vodka
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
