Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I only lived at night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
