I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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