Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
