How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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