I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
