frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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