The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
