my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
