I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
