Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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