dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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