i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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