Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
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Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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