Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
