this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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