dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize