so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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