i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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