you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
