I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
