she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
